Yesterday I read a list of twenty things you should keep to yourself to protect your peace of mind. Before reading it, I thought, “I can’t imagine there is anything I would keep from my people!” But then after reading it, I understood. The list included things like “pending legal issues” or “confidences shared by others” and “every detail of your romantic life.” Okay, point taken. There are some things that don't need to be said.
But being willing to be vulnerable and honest is a very real part of building intimacy, and it is something that, in general, I deeply value. An intimate relationship allows others to see us fully and to build trust and connection. I have heard it referred to as “into-me-see.” And I would say that I want that. I want to be known and loved and accepted for who I am. Certainly I would say I want that from God!
But do I really?
Do I really want Him to see the messy parts of me?
I still remember the day I realized that I was afraid to be honest with God about my thoughts and feelings. We had flown to Nashville from Texas for a job interview, and Jim had been offered a new job. The company needed him to start as quickly as possible, so we were asked to list our house for sale in Texas and live in temporary housing until the house was sold. The market in our area at that time was not great, and I was very nervous about making a cross-country move to a place with no friends or family and living in an apartment with minimal furnishings (with a toddler!) for an unknown period. I told Jim boldly, “I am going to pray that our house sells to the first person who looks at it. God can say no, and He is still good no matter what, but I’m going to tell Him what I want.”
The prayer felt revolutionary for me. Telling God what I want? Wasn't I supposed to trust the sovereign, Almighty God to tell me what is good and what is right? Shouldn’t I be okay with whatever He causes to happen? Unequivocally, yes. But God also wants intimacy with Him, and that means we can be honest with Him. He already knows what we are thinking anyway, and He can handle our honesty. So, I prayed for God to sell our house to the first person who looked at it.
I’ll never forget the phone call.
Jim called me from work on the third day our house was on the market. We had lived in Nashville for less than a week, and I was standing in our bedroom, which consisted of a mattress on the floor and plastic drawers as a nightstand. I looked out the window, exhausted, as he said, “Lissa. We have an offer. And it is from the first person who looked at the house.”
Just writing those words brings me back to that moment. Instant tears. God heard me. He saw me. He gave me what I asked for. He didn’t have to. And my goodness, I still would have trusted and praised Him if He had said no. (Honestly, I fully expected Him to.) But He said yes. And I realized something — something that literally changed my prayer life moving forward: True intimacy with God means we can tell Him how we feel and what we want and think we need. Everything. He already knows, but He still wants to hear from us. And when we ask for something and our compassionate God says yes? Well, for me, the gratitude was almost palpable. If God had sold our house to the first person who looked at it but I hadn’t asked Him first, it would have been a sweet gift, but the intimacy wouldn’t have grown.
There is a tension between reverence for God and relationship with God that isn’t always easy to navigate, but He invites us into it because He has always been after our hearts. Intimacy with God isn’t built by only praying the “right” things, but by praying often and trusting Him with every detail. We can’t do that if we aren’t talking to Him about those details.
Where are you holding back in your prayer life? Are you afraid to tell God something that you are struggling with? Afraid to tell Him your heart’s desire? Or are you just not engaging with Him enough to tell Him much at all? Run to your Maker and have an honest conversation, right now. There is abundant joy in communing with the Father, and He is a loving and compassionate God. With Him, there is no off-limits conversation.