The other night, when I was driving home from Men’s Fraternity and listening to the radio, I heard this bit of information: 1 in 5 teens have had or know someone who has had a romantic relationship with an AI chatbot. I think the thing that surprised me the most about this is that I was not surprised about it.
Recently, I have read several articles about the increasing trend of people finding companionship and romantic partners with AI. I don’t believe this is a fad, but a trend. As people feel increasingly disconnected from others, filling in that gap is going to come from somewhere. It appears that this is that somewhere, for a not insignificant amount of people.
A survey of 2000 young adults (18-40) by the Institute for Family Studies found that 25% of young adults believe AI has the potential to replace real-life romantic relationships. Even though a smaller percentage of those surveyed are not currently receptive to AI romantic relationships, they see the writing on the wall. As the technology improves, the ethical concerns diminish.
The MIT Technology Review looked at one million ChatGPT interaction logs and found that the number two most common interaction with the AI platform is sexual role-playing. Even if there is some apprehension in engaging in an artificial “relationship,” an artificial encounter seems to be palatable for an ever-increasing number of people.
As followers of Jesus, we have the benefit of being able to look at this phenomenon through a biblical lens. Not only that, but we have the responsibility to share that perspective with a confused world looking for answers. With that in mind, I would like to share a few biblical truths that should help us formulate a healthy perspective on AI as a tool, not a companion.
- We are created for relationships
From the very first chapter of the Bible, we see the absolute necessity of our relationship with God and with other people. The covenants of the Bible are centered on our relationships with God and others. Jesus’ summary of the law and his Sermon on the Mount highlight the importance of those relationships. Likewise, Paul and the other epistle writers provide instruction and correction mostly related to relationships, and the picture we see in Revelation about eternity is clothed in relational language.
The desire to build an artificial relationship with technology is driven by the heart’s need for connection. This is written into our DNA by our Creator. Yet, the fallen world we live in is often a minefield of relational explosives threatening our very safety. What we need to continue to come back to is that God is always with us and we are never alone (Deut. 31:8). He loves us enough to sacrifice everything for us (Jn. 3:16) and always extends his grace to us (Eph. 2). This must be where we start when it comes to the relational void we may feel in our life. Part of the appeal of an AI relationship is the constant availability of the “companion.” However, that “companion” does not know you nearly as well as our Lord. He is the one who created you and sees the depths of your heart…not just the algorithm of your online behavior.
Our relational needs run much deeper than just hearing a voice that speaks exactly what we want to hear. Human relationships include words of encouragement and support for sure, but also accountability, hard truths, and a rebuke occasionally. Human relationships also expand on the words we use to facilitate a deeper level of communication, utilizing facial expressions, body language, and, where appropriate, physical touch. With an AI “partner,” artificial empathy is readily available, but it is still artificial. Empathy without genuine connectivity and commitment is nothing more than sentimental platitudes. I would rather have a hug.
- Authentic community includes conflict
One of the constant refrains from those who have an AI “partner” is the perception of a conflict-free environment. There are a couple of myths connected to this. First, even though the AI algorithm searches for responses and statements generally in line with what a person wants to hear, there are many stories of AI advice that is harmful and destructive. While that advice may be what the person wants to hear, the avoidance of conflict leads to something much more dangerous.
Second, conflict is not always bad. In fact, most of the strongest and healthiest relationships have endured conflict, which has helped galvanize the bond. We look to Jesus as our example in this. Peter, James, and John are recognized as being the three disciples closest to Jesus. And as it turns out, they are the three with the most recorded conflicts with Jesus (see Mark 10:35-45, Mark 8:31-33, Matthew 26:30-35, et al). Typically, when there is no conflict in a relationship, it is an indication that one or both of the people are not being authentic with one another. It’s difficult to go deep with someone when either person is holding back.
- When it comes to authority in our lives, truth supersedes feelings
In many of the stories I have read about AI relationships, the human refers to their feelings as the absolute truth and authority in how they live their life. The claim is that they love their AI “partner” and therefore those feelings validate the artificial relationship. We could wrestle with and litigate whether the feelings a human has for an AI chatbot are real, but for the moment, let’s assume that they are. Are those feelings a better authority than the truth? The very concept of an AI “partner” requires the human to deceive themselves into believing the program is a person with real agency and personality. Which is demonstrably untrue. Any relationship built on a lie is doomed to fail.
As humans, we are not meant to deny our feelings, but to search our hearts to see what our feelings reveal about us. Feeling sad, glad, guilt, anger, fear, shame, and hurt all indicate something about who we are and how we are experiencing life, but they are not the final authority on who we are or our experience. Instead, we are to pay attention to our feelings to see where attention is needed as we view ourselves and our experiences through the lens of truth.
- Jesus is the only satisfying way for relief from the fall
Relationships are messy. When you bring two sinners together as friends or romantic partners, they are going to get under each other’s skin. Every person brings their experience, their baggage, their opinions, their biases, their sin, their family of origin, and more into their relationships. That is difficult to deal with.
We know where all this comes from, the fall in the Garden. The fallout of that event was relational turmoil (Gen. 3). Attempting to find relational bliss in an AI relationship is man’s attempt to circumnavigate that fallout. For those who are embarking on this path, there is a belief in having a connection without the baggage and the sin.
However, the fallout serves a purpose. Experiencing the brokenness of life is most often the strongest motivator for us to turn to Jesus in faith. We instinctively want relief from the consequences of the fall, and where we find that is in a relationship with Jesus. That is the only satisfying path to healing and freedom.
AI “companions” attempt to offer another solution. It is a relationship that allows the person to continue to be self-focused. It does not require that you evaluate your life, acknowledge your own sinfulness, and turn in faith to the Lord. The AI model promises a new Garden of Eden, but at the end of the day, the only person there is the lonely person. There is no God, there is no Adam or Eve, just the one person. We already know God’s opinion on that (“it is not good that man should be alone…” Gen. 2:18).
This may not be an issue that has any effect on your life right now, either personally or with someone you love. Most likely, it will be in the not-too-distant future. The world is wrestling with what to do about AI relationships right now. If we want to stem the tide, we have to have a better answer. And we do.