To live in connection with God and others, we need ears to hear.
The first service that one owes to others in the fellowship consists in listening to them. Just as love to God begins with listening to His Word, so the beginning of love for the brethren is learning to listen to them. It is God’s love for us that He not only gives us His Word but also lends us His ear. (Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Life Together)
Listening indicates our focus, attention, and care for God and for others. The quality of our relationships hinges, in part, on our ability to listen to others effectively. Listening is foundational to cultivating meaningful relationships. It shows value and respect, creating a bond of trust and understanding that makes the other person feel heard and appreciated.
Like most grandmas, I find it fascinating to watch my grandchildren play. There are six of them, five girls and one boy, ranging in age from four months to 6 years. In a world of make-believe, our grandchildren not only explore, they learn and master relationships and social skills. They delight in pouring water, banging objects together, dressing Barbie dolls, and sliding down the slide on a hill in our backyard. The sounds of their laughter fill the air as they call out to each other, their feet running back up the hill through the grass, forming a line to take turns. As is often the case, the almost two-year-old was recently moving more slowly than the rest, and the crew urged her along. In their enthusiasm, she was pinned at the bottom of the slide, with her siblings piled up on and behind her. Her piercing shriek was a clear message…listen to me!
Kids say it. Parents say it. Spouses say it. We all say it. Listen to me. The truth is, on the whole, we are good talkers, who have one mouth, but not good listeners, although we have two ears. What if we were to listen more than we speak? If not listening can make someone feel invisible, listening can help us see one another.
Inside Out is an animation set inside the mind of an 11-year-old girl named Riley. The film cleverly personifies the emotions—Joy, Sadness, Fear, Disgust, and Anger—and the struggle to guide Riley through a move across the country with her parents. With the five emotions jostling against one another in the master control room, there’s a touching scene from the movie where Sadness and Joy are stuck in Riley’s long-term memory. While trying to get back to the control center, they meet Bing Bong, Riley’s long-forgotten imaginary friend. Bing Bong feels dejected after the loss of his wagon. Joy, in an attempt to put a positive spin on his situation, speaks without listening to Bing Bong’s words and tries unsuccessfully to cheer him up. It’s Sadness who connects with Bing Bong by sitting down beside him and listening as he recalls memories of playing with Riley. Listening to Bing Bong allows Sadness to put herself in his shoes and gain insight into his feelings.
Imagine the difference it would make to practice active listening in every facet of life and faith.
It is quite a gift to be listened to. With communication in our culture happening at the speed of light…listening is a skill we must learn and practice. It’s been said that life as a Christ-follower bids us to listen before we speak, learn before we teach, hear the call before we lead, and absorb the Word before we share it. Listening opens us up to invite God and others into the most vulnerable places within us.
On the other hand, we close the door to listening for a number of reasons. Our world is full of noise; finding stillness and quiet in it takes intention. We are lonely people. Loneliness keeps us talking about ourselves and resistant to listening to each other. We are afraid to change. The fear of admitting our limitations and getting things wrong keeps us from listening to others. We can be physically present and yet our attention is far away.
Listening takes time. It takes practice. It takes love. As with any skill, we can learn and improve our listening with a slow, attentive pace in our conversations, simply being present and listening more than we speak. Don’t be quick to speak. Be quick to hear. (James 1:19). “Fools have no interest in understanding; they only want to air their own opinions… Spouting off before listening to the facts is both shameful and foolish.”(Proverbs 18:2, 13)
Consider your listening experiences:
- How do you know when someone is listening to you? How do you know when they aren’t?
- Do you wait for the speaker to pause before responding?
- Do people respond to you by saying, “That’s a good question”?
- Do you practice reflective listening by saying, “So I hear you saying…”?
The practice of listening can teach us to slow down, to focus our thoughts, and to be humble and attentive to others. Listening can help us learn that we don’t always have to have the answer or be able to fix others, nor are we called to help everyone. The Lord is working his will in each of our lives. We can learn to be present as we cooperate and listen with Him.
What if the most loving thing you can offer to someone today is to have ears to hear?