I recently had a surprise phone call from an old friend. It was a delight to hear from her after not having talked in a long time, and we spent some time catching up on jobs, motherhood, and marriage. When I asked about church, she told me that she and her husband don’t attend their church anymore. This surprised me since I know them to be long-time believers. As I probed a bit, she said something that pierced my heart: “Well, right now we don’t go because I don't want to put my son in the nursery, and as he gets bigger, I am not really interested in letting someone else teach him what to believe.”
Obviously, I have several thoughts about this but let me start by saying I'm so grateful that my friend doesn’t expect someone else to disciple her child! So often the struggle in churches can be challenging parents to embrace their role as the primary disciple-makers for their children. Discipleship cannot happen in four hours a month on Sunday mornings, and Deuteronomy 6 paints a clear picture of the importance of parents taking the lead in helping their children to know and follow God. Nonetheless, parents may feel unequipped or uncertain how to teach their children about Jesus, or they may be uncomfortable doing something that wasn’t done for them. Others may just feel weary or defeated trying to have spiritual conversations with their kids when some days the battle to keep them safe and fed feels like enough of a challenge. How encouraging it was to hear someone say that she plans to take the reins in addressing spiritual formation with her child and doesn’t expect the church to do it for her! She was essentially saying, “That’s my job!”
The flip side of all this, of course, is the concerning implication that my friend didn’t trust someone else to teach her child. For some people, this hesitancy could come from an experience where teachers or the church had questionable doctrine or a lack of safeguards in selecting volunteers. Both are valid concerns and things that children’s ministries and churches should be thinking about. But exclusively deciding what to teach — and how to teach it — to your child ultimately means that you may avoid the parts of the Bible you aren’t sure you like or agree with or understand. There is no help and no accountability in dealing with some of the trickier topics we are called to discuss with our kids.
Just as discipleship cannot happen in four hours a month, it also cannot happen in a vacuum. We need each other because growth in Christ happens in community. As an adult, I need people to help refine me, remind me of truth, and model for me in areas where God is working in my life. Similarly, children need other adults to speak into their lives and provide counsel, truth, and solid, Biblical teaching. Sometimes children hear the exact same words differently from a different adult, and sometimes they just need someone to say something in a brand-new way. Either way, kids need other Christian adults in their lives.
Kids also need to hear what other kids have to say in response to the Lord, and they need to hear the message in an age-appropriate way. Just as adults need community, kids do too! Gospel teaching and conversation in an age-appropriate setting can be a very important factor in kids feeling a sense of belonging in church, which could keep them coming back as an adult.
I believe that what we do on Sunday mornings matters. I believe it passionately and deeply, but by no means do I think it is sufficient for teaching kids about Christ. As a Children’s Ministry Pastor, my role is to help lead, support, and equip a team of volunteers to share the love of Jesus and tell of God’s mighty deeds to the next generation. My role is also to help equip and support parents as they teach their children about Jesus and do what only they can do. Helping both parties to complement each other in the discipleship process? That’s my job!
I don’t see it as an either/or; I see it as a both/and. We are all after the same goal: Growth in a personal relationship with Christ. We cannot do it alone on Sundays, and we cannot do it alone during the week. And considering those things, what I told my friend is what I would tell any parents: Don’t go it alone because together is better. It’s our job!